Sunday Morning, Folding the Towels Twice While Waiting

On Sunday morning, I couldn't shake the notice that my health checkup results would arrive by text sometime this week. I left my phone face down on the kitchen table and took the towels off the drying rack. When I had folded them all, I turned the phone over once. No new message. I unfolded the towels, lined up the corners, and folded them again. By the time the second round was done, my hand was drifting toward the phone.

Nothing had been decided about the results. Still, in my head I was already writing the first line of the text that hadn't come, in one version after another. Like someone who is uneasy about not knowing and tries to find out ahead of time, I had been circling the same spot all morning. My coffee had gone cold. I took one sip and left it there.

Loosening My Grip

I sat down in a chair at the table and opened still().

casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7 (WEB)

My eyes stopped on “all your worries.” It didn't say some of them. I think I had believed that until the results came, I had to hold on to the worry at least, or I wouldn't feel at ease. But even with the worry in my fist, the text would arrive when it arrived. I also turned over the words that follow, “he cares for you.” I read them as meaning that there is someone who looks after me.

I got up from the chair and put the folded towels in the drawer. I moved my phone to the bookshelf in the living room and turned the volume up. If a text came, I would hear it anyway. Before opening the window, I gave the plant by the front door a cup of water. I stood there and watched the soil take it in slowly. Then I noticed that, for the first time this morning, there had been a moment without a thought of the phone. When I opened the window, I heard someone downstairs putting out a bag of trash, and cold air touched my face. I let out a long breath, and then poured the cold coffee down the sink.

Today's Breath — Imagine you have set one worry you were gripping on your palm, and slowly open your hand.