My Earbuds Died on the Way Home, and I Didn't Turn the Sound On at Home Either

My earbuds died on the way home. I must have forgotten to charge them. For the twenty minutes it takes to walk to the station, I walked without any sound. At first it was uncomfortable. My hand kept going to the phone in my pocket, and I felt I ought to play something.

Then, at some point, I began to hear other sounds. A bicycle passing, the bell on a shop door, my own shoes. I hadn't known this road had these sounds, even though I walk it every day.

The moment I got home and closed the front door, my hand went to the remote. Turning on some sound first thing after work is a habit of mine. Maybe it's because I was afraid that if the house were quiet, I'd have to look back on what I had done all day. But today I put the remote down and took side dishes out of the fridge.

What I get by switching it on, and what was left for me

While the rice cooked, I opened still().

Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, I give to you. Don’t let your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful.

John 14:27 (WEB)

I think I switched on sound after work because it kept my thoughts from being heard for a while, and I took that for peace. But reading “not as the world gives,” it occurred to me that the peace I make with a switch and the peace I receive might be different things. “Peace I leave with you” I read as saying it has been left behind. Not something I make by turning it on, but something already set down. At “Don’t let your heart be troubled,” honestly, I just thought, I wish I could. This one verse didn't sort out my heart today. The quiet house still feels strange, and tomorrow's work is still there. Still, today I decided not to read the quiet only as emptiness.

I ate dinner listening to the rice cooking, the refrigerator humming, faint footsteps from the floor above. Even after I finished, I didn't turn the sound on for a while. The water while I washed the dishes sounded louder than usual.

Today's breath — When you come home, before turning any sound on, breathe out slowly three times without playing anything.