Sunday morning, I stopped halfway up the hill in my old sneakers

On Sunday morning I took my sneakers out of the corner by the front door. There was dust between the laces. I couldn't remember whether I had last worn them in summer or early autumn. Last night before falling asleep I had decided to go out and walk a bit tomorrow, and the moment I woke up I put the shoes on, before the thought could change.

The air outside was calm. The lanes of the neighborhood and the walk to the main road were fine. The trouble was the gentle hill after that. I used to walk up it with earbuds in, talking, but halfway my calves tightened and my breath rose all the way to my throat. I ended up standing with one hand on a lamppost. Someone much older than me passed me lightly on the way up, and watching their back, my heart grew a little heavy.

It felt bitter, as if I had come out only to confirm how much my body had changed. I thought about turning back, but I sat down on a bench instead.

Walking in a body that has changed

On the bench I opened still().

but those who wait for the LORD will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 (WEB)

"Renew their strength." Those words caught my eye before the running or the eagles. It struck me as odd that it says renew, not give back what was there before. I wondered whether this body, out of breath halfway up the hill today, might not need to be measured against the old one. Reading one line doesn't bring my stamina back. But my thoughts leaned toward this: I don't have to be ashamed of having come this far with the body I have now.

I sat on the bench until my breathing settled. The person who had passed me came down from the other side and gave a small nod, and I nodded back. I decided not to go all the way to the top of the hill. I decided that today I had come this far.

The way back was downhill and much easier. At home I set the sneakers in the middle of the entryway. I didn't push them back into the corner.

Today's Breath — Walk a few steps at the pace you have now, then stop and let out one long breath.