Thursday Evening, I Got Up Twice After Lying Down to Check the Door Lock and the Gas Valve

On Thursday evening, I washed up, turned off the light, and lay down in bed. The moment I pulled up the blanket and closed my eyes, the door lock came to mind. I thought I might have heard the beep when I came in, but maybe I hadn't. I had checked yesterday and the day before, too, and oddly, the moment I lie down, the door is the first thing I think of. In the end I got up and walked the seven steps to the front door. The red light on the lock was on, and when I pulled the handle, it didn't budge.

I went back to bed and lay down, and this time the gas valve started to bother me. I went to the kitchen, saw that the handle was lying sideways, and came back. I was looking at the ceiling, wondering whether to get up a third time, when I suddenly got confused. Was I checking that things were safe, or just putting off falling asleep again and again? While I was checking, I felt at ease, but once I lay down, that feeling didn't last ten minutes.

The Sentence Where Lying Down Comes First

I sat down on the edge of the bed and opened still().

In peace I will both lay myself down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me live in safety.

Psalm 4:8 (WEB)

The order of the sentence caught my eye. Lying down and sleeping come first, and living in safety comes after. I had always believed that I could lie down only once I had checked that everything was safe, and this sentence ran the other way. It didn't read to me as telling me not to lock the door. Locking up was something I could do as far as I was able. What I heard was only that I didn't have to stay awake all night keeping watch. I can't check what happens while I'm asleep anyway. I had already checked both the door and the gas valve, so I decided that was as much as I would take on tonight.

I lay down again and adjusted my pillow once. As I turned onto my side, I heard a beep from far down the hall, someone pressing a door lock, just once. Someone else coming home this late, I thought. After that one beep, the hall went quiet again. The thought of going to the front door lifted its head one more time, then settled. While I rested my ear on the pillow and breathed out, the darkness on the ceiling seemed a little lower than before.

Today's breath — Check what needs checking just once, and lying there, feel the weight of the blanket and breathe out long.